This is for the guy driving the BMW 5 Series who had his show picked up for the fall season, and is now trying to hire a writing staff and who is getting calls every thirty seconds from agents pitching their clients.
Hi. Congratulations. Listen, I don't want to take too much of your time. I sent over some material from those two guys I faxed you about and you need to know that I am and we are, as an agency, very very passionate about them and about their work and we love your show, love love your show and these two guys are perfect for you and the network is in love with them too and what I want to do is just get you in a room with them, just put you guys in a room together and let you get a sense of what they can do and their energy and their passion and they said to me when we had them in to screen all of the new pilots, they said to me, "Get us on this show we love this show," and they're so sought after right now after last season -- I mean, I'll be honest, it was a horrible horrible show they were on but they did very good work on it and I shouldn't say this because the show-runner is a client of this agency but he's a monster. He's a sociopathic monster and he was very difficult and was a big reason why the show didn't come back but he has only good things to say about my guys -- I'll have him call you! Is the cell the best place to reach you? -- and the studio loved what they brought to the process -- I mean, the show didn't work but the process worked, you know what I mean? -- and it'll just be fantastic to get you all in a room together and have you see them and meet them and put a face to the name on the scripts I sent over which are truly truly dripping with smarts, I mean it's very hard to get through to me, I have a very select group of clients, I mean, I've been an agent for sixteen months, and I'm very tough on material, you have to be, you have to be, and these guys have the chops and I saw that from sidesplitting email thing they sent to me and the web stuff they're doing on their own -- so entrepreneurial, so entrepreneurial -- and also the written material they sent me when I decided to represent them last year when I was still Joe's assistant before I moved up I said to myself hold onto these guys and only sign writers you believe in and I believe in them and their material, which is great -- just fresh and edgy and offbeat and very personal -- I sent over two samples, there's a very very very funny spec pilot which I usually hate when young writers do that because, hey, this is a hard business and learn the ropes first, right? But this piece is just so funny and twisted and dark -- but also light, sort of dark and light, they can do both, light and dark together -- and it's very much a funny upscale smart sensibility -- these guys are smart, smart guys, you went to Yale, right? Or Penn or Grinnell or Santa Cruz or something? Well these guys are those guys, you know? They're those guys. The pilot is wonderful and sick and personal -- one of them spent his entire junior high school years paralyzed in a wheelchair turned out it was nothing but the script is borne of that experience which is so rich and funny and shows what they can do and the other one is an According to Jim. Let's get you in a room together, I'm trying to set it up but they're really really sought after and I'm expecting an offer from another show soon, like, five minutes ago, so I'm trying to get them over to you fast, maybe, I don't know, now? I think they might be there now, in your car. Could you just turn slightly to the right and see if they're there in your car? And just drive around together and let that happen and drop them off somewhere and call me back when you love them which I know you will and let's make this happen.
And this is for the guy in the BMW 5 Series who didn't have his show picked up for the fall schedule.
(long silence)
See, his phone isn't ringing. Which isn't all that bad, speaking as someone who has been in both positions.
That's it for this week. Next week, we enter preproduction. For KCRW, this is Rob Long with Martini Shot.