You Deserve Better Sex full transcript

[COLD OPEN]

Myisha: Women obviously have full lives, and also need love, support, but that's not something that men are like socialized to provide and feel validated for. And men are capable of doing that! I want every man who is listening to hear that, that like you are capable of doing that. You don't have to make a shit ton of money. You don't have to be a lumberjack, you don't have to have like, all these muscles and everything to be able to love and provide emotionally for a partner.

Akilah: I need to be dicked down and celebrated. Regularly.

Myisha: We're gonna lead with that.

[MUSIC]

Myisha: Hey, everybody, welcome back to another episode of KCRW's How's Your Sex Life. I'm your host Myisha Battle and I am so happy to be joined today by Dr. Akilah Cadet. Akilah and I actually go way back, and she's no stranger to talking about sex. So I'm really excited to get into that with her today. She has written about sex and disability for a collab that we did recently. And some of you may know her as the CEO and founder of her firm Change Cadet. She has a new book out titled ‘White Supremacy is All Around: Notes from a Black Disabled Woman in a White World.’ Akilah thank you so much for being here.

Akilah: I am so excited to be here. And for the listeners. That go back. The go back is really important. San Francisco State. We had to sit alphabetical order in class for some reason.

Myisha: A-B-C.

Akilah: A-B-C!

Myisha: Yeah.

Akilah: And we were next to each other.

Myisha: A lot.

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: Yeah.

Akilah: And this is like 19.

Myisha: Yeah, 19, 20. Yeah.

Akilah: And now we're 25. So we've only known each other for...

Myisha: Solid four, five years, going strong.

Akilah: Yeah!

Myisha: I want to just shout out your Instagram Change Cadet, because you do so much with this account from talking about social justice issues of the moment to showing how you navigate the often harsh realities of the medical system as a Black woman with a disability. And I am going to thank you in advance for what this book is going to do in the world. Just really proud to see you shine.

Akilah: And I would like to thank you for that. Really special. And I'd also like to thank white supremacy for giving me structures and systems that don't allow me to thrive as either a woman, a Black person, or a disabled person, and all the other fun parts of my intersectionality. But I believe transparency and storytelling is a way in which people can learn and unlearn.

Myisha: I totally believe that as well. And that's why we're here today. You know, this is an advice show. So we are here to help the people.

Akilah: We are here. And as a Virgo!

Myisha: We have a triple Virgo threat today because Andrea, our producer, is also a Virgo.

Akilah: Oh boy, this is going to be a perfect episode.

Myisha: 100 percent perfect.

Akilah: And our birthdays are back to back.

Myisha: Yeah.

Akilah: So oh wow. Yeah. Okay! Your problems are getting solved today!

Myisha: Okay, so you put a call out to your audience for questions. So did we. Just to frame everything most of these questions do have to do with that intersection of disability or chronic pain, sex and dating. So let's get into it. Are you ready?

Akilah: I am.

Myisha: Okay. Let's give a listen to our first question.

Akilah: Okay.

Myisha: And just a reminder, the questions you're hearing are voiced by actors, not the question askers.

Question 1: I would love to hear some advice on something I deal with personally, dating and sex with chronic pain. I'm not even 40, but sometimes I feel so old in my body, I find it hard to talk about it early on, because I don't appear to be disabled. But sex can definitely make it worse. When should I disclose and how?

Myisha: It's a great question.

Akilah: That's an excellent question. Do you want me to jump into it?

Myisha: I would love for you to jump in!

Akilah: Ok, so it's really important to disclose information when you feel comfortable. So what I do is say it in the first interaction and date because I don't want to waste my time. And for me, sex is actually a value add, helps with my overall pain. But for other people, it could be more of a process or there's a different way to do it. Or there's different ways of intimacy. And so what I like to do is like 'yeah, I know, you know, because I'm very public, being disabled, you know, that I'm disabled, but sex is a good thing for me. And it's something that I need,' because I also date men and men feel that their penis is so powerful that it's going to kill someone which is like ridiculous when it comes to living with visible or invisible disability or chronic pain, and so I just put it out there so that they know that the thing that they're going to provide me is still what men like to do, which is to fix and to help and to solve. And so for this question, it's like intimacy for me looks like and the way I can bring my guard down and feel comfortable is or can we, you know, start with oral sex? Or can we use a pillow? Or can we use these types of things? I think when we put ourselves in situations as chronically ill, chronic pain and or disabled folks, again, visible or invisible, and I live in the intersectionality of both, we have to think about our time and energy. And so I made the decision that I'm not going to go into date four and be like, 'Hey, by the way, you know, I have this thing,' I rather put it out there and see who they are from the beginning to know if it's worth the time and energy, because I have all the vibrators I need to do it myself.

Myisha: Right. Right. And you don't necessarily have to communicate with your vibrators what you like and don't like, you can just in the moment make those adjustments. But with a human being they need that information. So what I'm hearing is first knowing what works for you, and with this question asker they're saying, certainly sex can make it worse. So my challenge would be, what aspects of sex make it worse for you, like you said, is it you know, I don't have enough build up, or sex just takes a fucking long time, you know, with my current partner or whatever. Whatever we're doing, it's just draining me energetically. So how can you shorten that time span? I've worked with clients like that, where they're like, I don't have 40 minutes to commit to this every single time we want to have sex. And by the time we're done, I am in pain, you know? So what are the things, what are the like, obstacles that you navigate, or tend to like sort of pick out as 'these drain me’ or ‘they exacerbate the issue for me,' and it could be as simple as positioning.

Akilah: It can be as simple as positioning. So for listeners, I live with Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, which is a connective tissue disorder, my body doesn't know how to do anything, basically, with collagen, so I can wake up one day and my spine can be super hypermobile, well my spines always hypermobile, but a joint can dislocate and go in and out from fingers to toes to ankles, you name it. I bruise easily, but I'm also hypermobile, so I'm flexible. So there's...

Myisha: Pros and cons!

Akilah: Pros and cons that are there! And so there can be times where like, I recently had like back injections. So I'm, uh, I'm going to be a little tender. And so it may feel better for me to be on top or do something doggy. So I don't know, it just depends on how my body's feeling. But it's the communication that's really important for your partner to communicate how you're feeling and how they can help you feel better. And we do want to reiterate, when it comes to pain, as a result, maybe of sex, that person may or may not be able to have sex all the time or not have sex. So again, you have to go back to other forms of intimacy. Is it oral sex? Is it rubbing my back? Oh, my god, yes, rub my back. That's great. Rub my butt! My butt is a mess, rub my butt. Let's do those types of things and are they going to be comfortable with that? And then realizing that sometimes working with, in this particular question, or working with a pelvic floor therapist doc can be incredibly helpful. And that could potentially allow for more penetration, if that's something that the person is looking for, to help in that area. But again, the transparency part with the act of having some type of intimacy or sex throughout the process. It's not just date one, it's throughout the process of any type of sexual fun, intimacy, and what it may look like.

Myisha: Yeah, things change from day to day things change. So thank you for saying that. And that's true for every body, every everybody. But it is particularly the case with people who manage chronic pain, you might have pain free days, where sex is more available to you, and maybe those are the days you allocate to having sex. Or, you know, there are times when you're gonna be completely out of commission and other things like non sexual intimacy are gonna take the, you know, the foreground for you. Yeah. Amazing. Let's hear what our next question asker has for us. It's a kind of related question.

Question 2: I recently started dating after losing my mom and going through a terrible breakup. I'm bipolar and had a psychotic break when these things happen, but I'm good now. I'm on the right medicines and routine to get me back on track. I met this amazing guy on a dating app, and it's been incredible. I mean, the sex. Wow! Never experienced orgasms like this before. I'm happy, but I'm weary of sharing with him that I'm bipolar and take medicine. How soon is too soon? Should I even tell him? Right now we're just hooking up and it's nothing serious, though I did tell him that I do want a relationship down the line. Should I share with him or should I wait? Please help.

Myisha: So before it was more like the mechanics of sex and how to maximize that person's experience. This is more if I want a long term relationship, when do I disclose that, you know, I have a mental illness that I manage.

Akilah: Mhm. Hi, my name is Akilah, I have major depressive disorder because I dismantle white supremacy and I live in chronic pain. I just share it. And it's already out there in the world. So I do want to say that it's important when I'm sharing information, I'm coming from an intersectionality, obviously, as someone who lives in chronic pain, disability, chronic illness, visible and invisible, but I'm also a public figure so I've already, a lot of this information is Googleable. And so I have the problem where people already know the stuff coming into it so it's easier for me to be transparent. So I want to be very clear there. I think it's also important to say that ableism is real. And that is why disclosing things whether it's, you know, health, health is your brain, right? Mental wellness, overall illness conditions, physical conditions, combination of both cognitive conditions, all of those things can result and have resulted in some type of trauma from that person because of ableism. And so the most intimate thing you can do is like, have sex with someone. But if you have health stuff going on, there's this other layer of vulnerability that's in there. And that can make things really, really difficult. So what I would say is, if you're hooking up with someone, just hook up, have fun, live it up, because it is giving you the goods, you're getting the endorphins, you're feeling good. You've been able to, congratulations, find a process that works for you to be in a position that allows you to have harmony in your life living with being bipolar, and you should celebrate yourself for that. But at some point, if you're dating someone, and you do want it to be long term, you want to let them know in the first couple of dates. And the reason why I say the first couple of dates, when it comes to that overall mental health component is they'll be able to see a pattern of how awesome you already are, and how you've already been able to manage whatever that thing is, whatever you're you're managing. So it's not like, super sexy to have major depressive disorder. It's like, 'Hey, I dabble in suicidal ideation, like what's up,' you know, like I totally get that. But when people can see me laugh, and joke and have fun, and you know, have a bad day, but like turn around that bad day through text conversation, or whatever we're doing experiences we're having together, then they know that there's the confidence that we can manage the thing, whatever that thing may be. Now at the same time, it's important to acknowledge that that individual may have their own connection around mental health themselves. And they may resonate, you may have some very sexy trauma bonding there.

Myisha: Yeah.

Akilah: Or, and or they can have other people in their family who are managing something when it comes to either addiction or mental health, illness, whatever it may be. And that may be too much for them for whatever reason. And that's something that you just have to know, when you put that on the table.

Myisha: I agree. I don't know exactly where in the process it was that my partner disclosed to me that he, you know, was diagnosed with depression and was on medication, but I feel like it was fairly early on. And I think also, I was like, thank god. Like thank god you have a therapist that you see regularly, thank god you have a psychiatrist who's like, helping you manage your medication and like, you know, that, you know, you need to go up in a dose when things are really hard, you know, when you, you know, can come down and, like, there's something about somebody who knows how to take care of themselves. I think there's, there's, I think even more of a layer of stigma around people who do take medication. But I would say, you know, I've dated people who were probably undiagnosed and not managing a condition that was really impactful on the relationship. And the difference between that and being with someone who is more proactive about their mental health, that's made all the difference for me. So, yeah, I think I want to acknowledge that too of like, it's the stigma of having the illness and it's also the stigma of taking the medication.

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: There's like a lot of people out there that are like, 'you should just be able to, like, deal with, why don't you, why do you need pills' you know? Or like, 'the pills are gonna make you some different type of person' or whatever.

Akilah: So like, diabetes type two, right? You don't say like, just work away the fact that your pancreas can't break down glucose, like, you'll be fine!

Myisha: Some people do!

Akilah: I know but usually

Myisha: And it's crazy!

Akilah: But usually, it's like, oh, your glucose monitor, your pen, you're taking your metformin, you're doing whatever you're supposed to do.

Myisha: Right!

Akilah: There's an understanding there, but people forget that the brain is an organ.

Myisha: Yes.

Akilah: And it's totally fine to take medication, supplements, therapy, walk outside, whatever you do. And I think that that routine of how you manage it is a turn on! You know that in itself can be sexy that someone can manage that themselves, or they can communicate. So for me, if I go into super major depressive disorder, like, don't fucking talk to me mode, I will for sure communicate ahead of time that that can happen. Because the other side to this is once you disclose whatever is happening in your health, mental physical, you have to communicate how you want that person to check in with you. Right? Because there's different ways of checking in that can be good for some and not good for others. And so sometimes it's just like, 'Hey, you know, I'm having a really tough week, I'm going to be offline and I'm just going to send you an emoji every day or letter of the alphabet, and we'll see how far we go. I'm just, you know, I'm fine. I'm alive. Nothing's happened.' You know, but it's something there that allows that person to still feel special when things do get difficult.

Myisha: Yeah, that's really important. And sharing that with people like, this is how I take care of myself and this is how I would like to be taken care of. Yes. Wonderful! Yes! Just more conversation, please. I mean, it's hard. It's hard. I mean, we're talking about things from, you know, years of experience navigating these things. And for a lot of people, this might be the first relationship that they're having to navigate, you know, sex and dating with these types of conditions. So, you know, it's new, give yourself some grace. But the reward of having these tough conversations is deeper connection, better sex, you know, and just a more enjoyable life.

Akilah: Absolutely.

[MUSIC]

Myisha: Okay, so we're gonna take a quick break, but when we come back we'll be taking one more listener question. And if you're ready to get some advice for yourself, be sure to drop me a message at sex life at kcrw dot org.

[BREAK]

Myisha: And we're back. Okay, Akilah, this last question comes from one of your Instagram followers. Let's take a listen.

Question 3: What are the best and worst parts of dating for you?

Akilah: I hate dating.

Myisha: Yeah. You mentioned that!

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: You mentioned that in your call out when you asked people to submit questions to you. You were like, ‘By the way, I hate dating, let's see how this goes.’

Akilah: I really do. The best thing about dating? The right thing to say is 'the best thing about dating is finding a potential partner,' you know. And that's honestly what it is like, I do want a partner. I do want a romantic partner who wants to go on this wild ride with me of whatever I'm doing in my life, for sure want that. I just am a, I'm a date four girl. So just let's get into the inside joke. Let's just feel comfortable around each other. Let's just know, you know, I live this very high paced fast life with my overall health and businesses have and do. But it can't be that. So there is this wonderful dating coach, her name is Myisha Battle. And I was like forced by my editor to go through a dating coach process for this article that I wrote about dealing with disability and how we deserve companionship and how people who are disabled or chronically ill aren't viewed as, like, sexy or want to have sex or sexual in any type of way. And we do! Like we do want to have different forms of intimacy and so I sacrificed myself, I had a wonderful time though, I want you to know.

Myisha: You did great!

Akilah: I had a wonderful time! Yeah. Had a wonderful time. Yeah, no I just really hate dating. I think at the end of our time together, because we did six...

Myisha: Yeah, seven.

Akilah: Seven sessions, seven for good luck. We did seven sessions. And at the end of it, I was like maybe I'll get back to like app dating. And I haven't. I haven't done it.

Myisha: Well, you know, Trevor Noah is still on Raya.

Akilah: Is he still on Raya?

Myisha: He's still on Raya. I joined Raya for friends and he was there so I was like, yes, I would like to be friends with Trevor Noah. Trevor Noah if you're listening!

Akilah: I would like to be on your podcast and also have sex with you. I mean conversation, let's talk, let's bond about our depression! It'll be great.

Myisha: Yeah!

Akilah: But um, I feel it's important to be transparent that I am going back and forth with dating. I would prefer to meet people organically out and about because I'm sarcastic AF and sometimes it's easier if someone is interested with you to have a conversation when I have my cane or whatever it's like it helps with my time and energy. So, this the second part of the question, what's the worst part of dating is that. Well I guess maybe, the best part of dating is that I have to do it and the worst part of dating is that I have to do it.

Myisha: Mhm.

Akilah: You know, it's like, it's both of those things. Because if I want a partner, I can't not do it. And I know what I said I can't and a not, that still gives me permission to still not do it. But, you know, the worst part is like, the the ghosting sucks, you know. I'm 41. I don't need to be ghosted, like I'm not into it. Right. Cool. Because I will tell you, I'm not into it. You know, I don't, I also don't need, in the words of Aubrey Graham, I don't need new friends. I don't need that. So I'm not looking for friends. So I don't want Trevor Noah as a friend on Raya to be very clear. So I don't like that. I also don't like when guys are just like, Yeah, I'm ready to date. I'm ready to do all these things and then they hit you with like, 'oh, but I'm busy.' Or, you know, 'I realized this thing about me' or whatever. But the number one worst thing about dating for me is that guys are like, 'Oh, yeah, cool chick.' So great. And then all of a sudden, I become too much. And I know I'm not too much, but it's just like, oh, wait, she's smart, and pretty and funny, and understands sports, and loves Taco Bell, and likes to travel, has her own hair and her own money, can pay for her own things. Owns a home, has a nice car, what am I going to do for her? Like, you know, what am I gonna do for her? Disappear, ghost, or I didn't think she was going to be that great and I actually wasn't ready to like fall in love or have more intimate feelings and emotions. So I have to now pull back because you were just going to be fun. And that's typically what I end up with.

Myisha: Mhm. You get kind of like, lumped in the cool chick category until they fucking understand.

Akilah: Yeah, yeah. 'She's fun, she's DTF yay!' Like, you know, and I'm like, 'Mhm yea. Oh, no? No, I was okay, I was too much for you? Because you started having real feelings for me and now you're gonna push me away?' Okay.

Myisha: Classic.

Akilah: Great. Oh, but you brought me along in the feelings? Okay.

Myisha: Right.

Akilah: Great. So now I have a heartbroken situation? But I'm not going to be heartbroken because why? You know, it's like that kind of mix.

Myisha: Yeah, yeah which is unfortunately, like, such a big component to dating these days. And I think a lot of that has to do with, you know, gender role divisions and people's inability to sort of find their, find themselves in the process when there's like, not this clear binary anymore of women stay home and have kids and that's their primary function, and men are their providers. The women obviously have done a lot more, and take on a lot more in their lives and have really rich full lives. And also need love, support, but that's not something that men are, like, socialized to provide and feel validated for. Like, they're like, 'Wait, I just have to show up and be a good partner? I don't know.' Like, and that sounds crazy when I say it out loud. But it's like, I do think people have that experience of like, I don't know what to do. I've I've had people say that, like, 'I don't think you need me.' And it's like, how, how do I not need you? Like we live together, we like, have a life together. We need each other. But just because I'm not asking you for financial support, or, you know, for you to build me a shelf. It's cool if you do. But I still need I am a person and I need people you know, to love and support me. And so it's really hard to receive that. To be someone who you know, can effectively take care of yourself and, you know, you don't want to all the time. It would be really nice to have someone who cares to help take some of the burdens of life away. And men are capable of doing that. I want every man who is listening to hear that. That like you are capable of doing that. You don't have to make a shit ton of money. You don't have to be a lumberjack, you don't have to have like, all these muscles and everything to be able to love and provide emotionally for a partner.

Akilah: I need to be dicked down and celebrated regularly.

Myisha: We're gonna lead with that.

Akilah: I just want everyone to know that.

Myisha: Same! I think I said, when I first, well I was like dating and I was like what are my four Fs? It was feed me, fuck me, funny me and I was like father my children, but that ship has sailed. We're not going to be fathering any any children. But the feed me, fuck me, funny me it's still very, very important.

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: And those are not things like I'm not saying you know pay for every meal.

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: I'm just saying like share a meal with me. It could be Taco Bell.

Akilah: Totally! You give me a veggie Mexican pizza you just got on the way home, guess what? You're probably gonna get your dick sucked. I'm thrilled! Thank you so much! You remembered! Thank you! Thank you! That's a real story. Because there was a time where you couldn't just order a veggie Mexican pizza, you had to specifically say no meat because I'm a vegetarian. And if you did that, it's like you went above and beyond at this drive through

Myisha: You said the words that got me the thing that I want.

Akilah: Yeah, the thing that I want! But I, I'm not kidding. Dicked down and celebrated. I am, you know, I have a book. I've been on a Forbes list, I may be on more lists, I own, I'm a co-owner of a soccer team, I do a lot of things that are really, really great. And really, really incredible. And I celebrate myself, I'm so good at it. I'm very good at celebrating myself, my closet is very good at celebrating me too. But it's having that partner to be like, 'good job, babe' or whatever my nickname is gonna be, Akilah also works or doc, to do that whether it's a toast or a meal, or someone kind of seeing how much like the behind the scenes and wanting to celebrate me, hold me like I do need to be held and have human touch and interaction. But I just don't, I'm really tired of going on this journey by myself. And so as I embark on this national book tour, it's going to be a lot of feelings and a lot of emotion.

Myisha: It will be.

Akilah: And I'm not going to have anyone to process those feelings of emotions with and it has not been fun for me to think about how I'm going to do one of the biggest things of my life, and I'm going into it like single. And like I just had major surgery, like I still can't wear pants right now. You know, dating wise, that was hard. Like if I were going to hang out with someone, I couldn't really eat food, you know, so there was that. And then like, now I can but I had to go through a very traumatic surgery like, by myself. And not like, the whole planning of recovery was centered around the fact that I live alone. And, and the way surgery is done in this country is that you have someone with you.

Myisha: Right.

Akilah: You have a partner, or you have a parent or you have these things that that someone's with you, but clearly your 41 so someone's home for you, it's like no, I'm going to be trapped in my bed because my kitchens flights up my upside down home that I bought, when I was in escrow when I learned about my disability, like, you know, I am not set up for success. And I know personally, that having a partner can help with my overall health and well being because someone can be there or care, or be intimately involved in these little things that sometimes people just don't really care about. Even friends won't necessarily care about, you know, because they don't have that level of intimacy.

Myisha: Right. Yeah, and I want to point out too, that, like, you're dealing with things now that like, inevitably, all of us are going to hit at some point where health fails us. And we need, we need help, and we need support. And, you know, you're you're navigating a system too, alone that, you know, is traumatic, and then not again, having that, that person to bounce things off of and I just, I'm saying that because I don't want people to feel like, 'Oh, I'm so like distant from this experience.' It's like maybe now, but in the future, like something will happen to you or something will happen to someone you care about that, you know, you have to be prepared for.

Akilah: Well, the funny thing is because the way the world works, I did meet a guy in real life. The, like 20 days before I had surgery, be out for months, I was like yeah, this is. This tracks, universe. Give me 'Hey, hi!' So, I know you like met me at this exhibit that's honoring me. So that's already a lot to deal with. And I am also like disabled and also I'm going out to have like major surgery, my insides are going to be ripped out but like, do you wanna hang out?

Myisha: That was something that I really noticed when we worked together. You are not shy when it comes to like asking people out if you are interested in them making the first move. It's truly amazing. Like, I haven't worked with anybody with that level of comfort. I'm so glad that you joined us today. It has been an utter delight. And again, thank you for being so generous with your time and with who you just sharing that with us and giving some stellar advice that I hope empowers people to talk more openly about what they're experiencing and advocating for what their body needs. I think that's like, if we can give that to people like it would be such a better world and people will be having better sex.

Akilah: Totally. And I will say one thing for listeners who have chronic illness, chronic pain, check out Dateability. It's a dating app and or website, whatever works for whatever works for you. And that is a supportive space to either find friends or to date, which I think is really helpful. And I'm sure we'll tie in the article that talks about you and sex, that we have with Well and Good that people can read as well. But I think it's really important to know that however you're showing up, and whatever body you're in, and the intersectionality you are in, you are sexy or beautiful, you are powerful. And you have a voice for yourself and for whomever your partner or partners are and use it because we all deserve pleasure and we all deserve joy.

Myisha: Yes. Thank you for that. Well, you have your book out, you're going to be going on tour, can you tell us where you're going to be and how people can find you on the internet or in person if they want to go to a live event?

Akilah: Totally. So you can find me at Change Cadet. So the word change, c-h-a-n-g-e c-a-d-e-t. Same for the website, any platform that's there. The book tour is also on social media and the website. But yeah, I'm all around and please support this Black disabled author and buy my book because the publishing industry is white as fuck and I will only do well if people dismantle the oppressive structures in the publishing industry, which is supporting and sharing and amplifying my book.

Myisha: Absolutely. One book at a time. You know, we're doing, we're doing the work.

Akilah: Yeah.

Myisha: Thanks Akilah.

Akilah: Thank you.

[CREDITS]

Myisha: How's Your Sex Life is a KCRW original podcast. Our producer is Andrea Bautista. Our executive producer is Gina Delvac. Our engineer is Nick Lampone. Our music was created by Carolyn Pennypacker Riggs. Special thanks to Women's Audio Mission, Arielle Torrez, Adam Serrano, Connie Alvarez, Arnie Seipel and Jennifer Ferro. And last but not least, a huge thanks to our voice actors. We'll let them introduce themselves on the way out.

Voice Actor 1: I'm Zacile Rosette. Thanks for listening!

Voice Actor 2: I’m Andrea Bautista. Follow the show to keep up with new episodes.

Voice Actor 3: This is Bennett Purser. See you next week for another episode of How's Your Sex Life.