The Raise

The Raise

This is Rob Long with Martini Shot on KCRW.

One of the pleasures of being a writer in Hollywood is sharing particularly egregious agent stories. Here's one:

Once, on the staff of a show we had on the air, there was a young, talented writer. He was a real find: funny, polite, literate, and saddled with enough personal eccentricities to make talking behind his back interesting. He was good enough at his job, in fact, to have stirred our sympathies (first-time staff writers make very little money) so we raised his salary a pinch.

In Hollywood, of course, you don't just call the hireling into your office and bark at him, gruff-but-lovable-style: &quotHey, kiddo, you're doin' a great job. The pay packet's going to be heavier from here on out.&quot Instead, you must telephone a reedy-voiced bureaucrat who works at the studio in a department called, with ominous vagueness, &quotBusiness Affairs,&quot tell that person to call the writer's agent, have the writer's agent call the writer, and then, after the agent has called the writer with the news, drag the writer in your office before he can blurt out &quotThanks for the raise!&quot in front of the other writers on the staff who didn't get a raise and aren't getting a raise until their contracts specifically call for it, because, after all, you're not made of money, are you?

Here's what happened: the day after we made the call, the writer sauntered into work, full of praise for his agent, who, we were informed, had called the writer the day before to tell him that after some &quotsecret negotiations&quot and &quotmajor arm-twisting,&quot the agent had wrangled some extra money for the fledgling writer - &quotwe've sweetened the pot for you, kiddo,&quot the agent told the client, &quotwe went to the wall for you, and guess what? They blinked.&quot

I was out for a drink with an agent who represents me and I told him this. He was outraged. AGENT

I think that's-that's-immoral. And I'm an agent. He cheated his client out of knowing that he was doing a good job. What a creep. The kid should dump that agent.