Memorial Day began after the Civil War, which killed 600,000 Americans, North and South. But the first day of remembrance wasn't really about them. It was started by southern women, mourning what they called the Lost Cause: the Confederacy. When the northern states got into the act, it was all about commemorating the soldiers who died for the Union. We bring the history up to the present holiday—which is also about barbeques, three-day weekends and the beginning of summer. Does America do a good job of remembering war dead? What about grieving families and living veterans?