Martini Shot
Martini Shot
Subscribe to this Podcast:
Veteran TV writer and producer Rob Long shares his behind-the-scenes look at Hollywood life on "Martini Shot." A contributing editor for the National Review and Newsweek International, he was a co-executive producer of "Cheers" while still in his 20s and is the co-creator of a string of (cancelled) sitcoms: "George & Leo," "Men, Women & Dogs," etc. Rob is also the author of "Conversations With My Agent," the cult classic about real life in Hollywood, as well as its recently published sequel, "Set Up, Joke, Set Up, Joke."
Photo credit: Marc Goldstein
Check out the LAist's recent profile of Rob Long
RECENT SHOWS
Cave
So, every writer has a Sinatra moment – you know what I mean, a moment when you got a note or a request from the studio or the network – change this character, make the mom younger, add a dog, don't mention cancer – you know, just the general stuff that every writer in Hollywood eventually has to deal with when the "art form" they've chosen – and yes, in case you didn't hear it, I made little quote marks in the air when I said "art form" – but when the "art form" that you've chosen requires $17 million worth of expensive equipment and three hundred people to bring to life, rather than a six dollar set of oil paints and a piece of canvas, you end up having to listen to a lot of people...
Part of the Process
I have a friend who is working on a television show with two studios involved (which means two separate sets of studio executives, all giving notes and thoughts and suggestions on every single rewrite) and three non-writing producers, doing the same, and a separate set of network executives, doing the same...
What I'll Never Do Again
The last time I went to New York, I got off the plane and headed to the cab line and thought: wait a minute. The line is huge. And the cab is going to run me about sixty bucks. So, overcome with a sudden attack of parsimony, I took the train. Bought a metro card, the whole thing. Got out on 51st street, headed to my hotel, and when I checked in they asked, “Do you need any help with your bags, sir?” and I said...
Bip
Not too long ago I was in a meeting with the president of a television network. The show I was working on at the time was on the air and successfully so. Sort of unusual for me, I guess, but it has happened in the past. Despite the impression that my four minutes here often conveys, I've had good meetings and successful exchanges and positive outcomes during my time here in Hollywood. And this was one of those meetings...
The Event
In the late 1980's, a huge phone company hired a top-of-the-line consultancy to make a forecast. Cell-phone usage was growing quickly, and the phone company needed to know how to plan for this new, business model transforming technology. So they paid these consultants a lot of money to answer this question: how many mobile phones will be in use in this country by the year 2000?
Plus Aimable
The cliché, of course, is that American television is awful. You know the saw: bad sitcoms, predictable dramas, tame dialogue, soft characters. About four years before it was even invented, people started hating television. Now, not so much – there's a lot on that very good, and television's blood rival, feature films, have become mostly movies about robots, so TV – with its Mad Men and The Wire and 30 Rock and Weeds just seems more sophisticated...
No One Wants Westerns
Years ago, on my first day in film school – never mind how many years ago; let's just say, enough years ago – there was a guest speaker – I honestly don't remember who, but it was someone big, someone powerful, someone with real cred in the industry...
Out of Town
This is hard to believe but true. Not too long ago -- and when I say "not too long ago," I'm saying it from the perspective of someone who remembers some very old things, like that there used to be a hardware store on Montana Avenue in Santa Monica, before someone invented the $80 candle...
Too Many Plates
Hollywood is divided into two basic groups: the first group is the one-project types, the serial types. The second, the hedgers, the plates-in-the-air guys. Writers, directors, actors are in the first group – these are the people who do one thing at a time. They tend to immerse themselves in a project, focus on it, care about it. A writer will write a script, then worry over a rewrite, then tweak it and polish it and get notes on a second draft, do that, and….then wait...
Validation
The rumor was all over town, and it was serious enough that my agent felt the need to call me. "It's not true," he said. "What's not true?" I asked.
"The rumor. About the valet parking fees..."
This Is Where We Keep the Writers
A friend of mine was working on a show once at a large studio that offered tours of its facilities to tourists. They'd gather in the morning, wilting in the Hollywood sunshine, and be led around by a young studio page who would guide them around the various studio landmarks...
Do You See the Problem?
A friend of mine pitched a show last week to a network, and they didn't buy it. This isn't a sad story, because another network did want it, so, you know, no tears, but for the six days between the first network saying no and the second network saying yes, he had time to sit and stew and second guess the show he was pitching...
Tip Jar Money
Here's what just happened: I'm in a hip coffee shop in Venice, It's early afternoon, and I order a double espresso. I hand over the money and get my change, which is a few bills and a handful of coins. The coins I keep: the parking meter enforcement cops in Venice circle the blocks with unwearied commitment. But the bills, well, I'd ideally like to keep them all, but there's a tip jar on the counter beside the register, with one of those cheerlessly cheerful signs...
Big Phone
There's an famous photograph of studio chief Jeffrey Katzenberg, back when he was running Disney, on the set of a movie, talking on a cell phone. Famous because, at the time, it was the symbol of a hard-charging, ubiquitous studio boss – always there, always on the phone, always on top of things...
Write It on Spec
I was talking to a writer the other day who has written a wonderful script. He's sort of an unknown, so he did the smart, entrepreneurial thing: he wrote it on spec. That is, he just carved out some time in his day, sat in one place and, over the course of several weeks, he eked out a funny, smart, fresh pilot script...
Program Details
Host
Rob Long presents a laugh-out-loud, mostly true telling of life behind the scenes of the “real” Hollywood.
Schedule
Live
Tapes & Transcripts
Click the Full Details link to view the complete transcript. Tapes are not available.
KCRW.com thanks our sponsor:
